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26 May 2010 @ 04:11 pm
NC-17 | Finding Out the Ways of This World | J2 (8/8)  

Master Post

Thirty-two
Growing up is more than just living through the years


For Jensen's thirty-second birthday, Jared flies into L.A. He arranges a small, quiet dinner at one of Jensen’s favorite restaurants. Danneel and Steve and a few others join them.

Danneel can’t stop staring at Jensen’s smile, but then they’re grinning together.

*

He still hasn’t struck gold, doubts he ever will. But he’s employed more often than not, and he considers it a blessing when he can have a day out with little fanfare.

He saves enough money that he gets a new place and a new zip code. Still isn’t stellar by any means, but he’s moving forward and grateful for it.

It’s a three bedroom split two ways because Jared leases his condo out, being in Vancouver so often, and when he comes in, he stays with Jensen.

*

While Jared’s off filming, he texts all sorts of things; Jensen’s used to the randomness by now. But he’s caught off guard when he reads Interviewer asked me if I was single. I stuttered. Maybe said no. Did I just lie?

Moments like this remind him of what he saw in Jared that first day: light, humor, beauty, and warmth. There was a future in those eyes.

Jensen didn’t know it’d take some time to get there.

No, not a lie.

End
 
 
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( 109 comments — Leave a comment )
June: ♥ actor | ja smiling australiabig_heart_june on May 26th, 2010 09:49 pm (UTC)
Goddamn bb! I have looked forward to this so much and oh man you sure do not disappoint! This was sooooooooooooooo fucking good and I owe you like 96697864754646 comments but I've gotta crash now because I have to get up in about 5 hrs. I'm going to reread all of this again tomorrow when I'm not feeling so stupidly tired. This was awesome, you've got to know that. Thanks for giving Jensen that future and that happiness, those last lines are brilliant ♥ Oh and Jared is awesome, btw ♥
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.: Jen: prettiest of them alldugindeep on May 26th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
I have nothing more than &hearts in return.

Except, as I said in the email: HOW THE HELL DID YOU READ IT SO FUCKING FAST?! I posted, ran off to happy hour, came back, and you'd commented already!

P.S. Icon twins!
(no subject) - big_heart_june on May 27th, 2010 05:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 12:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - big_heart_june on May 27th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 05:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - big_heart_june on May 27th, 2010 05:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 05:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - big_heart_june on May 27th, 2010 05:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - big_heart_june on May 27th, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - big_heart_june on May 28th, 2010 10:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Jess: Best Buy!Jensentimehasa_way on May 26th, 2010 10:47 pm (UTC)
YOU POSTEEEEEED!!! ♥!

You already know I love this, but I'm saying it again. I love this!! You are awesome, bb!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 26th, 2010 11:47 pm (UTC)
&hearts &hearts &hearts &hearts &hearts

You are awesome. Thank you soooooo much for going through this with me!!

and I fixed the beta mark, I felt like suuuuuch an ass :(

Edited at 2010-05-26 11:50 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - timehasa_way on May 28th, 2010 11:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
jesseofthenorth: pensivejesseofthenorth on May 26th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
This may be the best thing of yours I've read yet, and that's saying something because I love your other stuff.
There is an edge to this that makes me really love it. The way you document his progression is understated and kind of awesome. It's my favorite character driven piece so far this year. I love the absolute lack of fluff, which is weird , for me.
You know you're kinda awesome right?
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 26th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD SHUT UP.

Thank you so, so, so much. I've wanted to do this thing for a few months, since the song hit me, and I kept freaking out that it wouldn't pan out how I had imagined it. So for you to say this is totally blowing my mind.

&hearts
and better times are coming still.13chapters on May 27th, 2010 01:28 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this. I love the slow build and one step forward, two steps back of the relationship. Danneel's reality checks were excellent.

The career stuff was...depressing, honestly. I feel like you'd have to be crazy to want to be an actor.
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked Danneel; I kept worrying people would hate her for telling Jensen to keep space.

I can't imagine how it is for someone who doesn't get along in that world, and you never hear those stories.

Thanks for reading bb!
make me your radio: sn - [j2] so happy togetherkelleigh on May 27th, 2010 01:42 am (UTC)
Boy, you really teed up the angst and knocked it out, huh? Suffice it to say that I loved this! Boo to all the issues Jensen had to go through, and there were more than a couple "punch to the gut" moments - seeing what their lives would be like if Jensen wasn't cast on SPN. Hard to read in places because it's just so wrong not to have them together. There were even moments I disliked Jared so much for finding the kind of success Jensen wanted so badly, but you brought them together so well in the end regardless. No rainbows and huge declarations, but little things that probably mean a lot more to the characters you wrote. So, AWESOME JOB. Another story to be oh-so-proud of ♥
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)
Awwww bb! Thank you so much. I'm happy you like the small bits of them coming together!

&hearts
lollipop disease .. ♥: J2 | autograph my heart ♥applepie_x0 on May 27th, 2010 01:55 am (UTC)
EEEE ♥ I have been waiting for this! :D and I was SO not disappointed! YAY! you rock. ♥ Oh Jensen -- he's such an insecure bitch ♥ I love him!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 01:56 am (UTC)
Hahah Everyone's gotta love Jensen!

Thank you so much bb! I'm glad you enjoyed it &hearts
Forelyse: Big Fishforelyse on May 27th, 2010 02:01 am (UTC)
This is amazing! I loved the character arcs, the pacing, the palpable frustration, the tone, the journey of self-awareness, and basically just everything! :)
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 02:05 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I, too, love the pacing of such a long journey and how they end up together. &hearts
Shayloveisimmortal on May 27th, 2010 04:44 am (UTC)
I love this so much! I was gonna wait to read it on my way to work tomorrow but decided against it.

Oh Jensen!! \o/
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 12:44 pm (UTC)
Jensen!!! Indeed!

Thank you so much for reading!
TEH KRIMSUM KITTEH: Jensen crimsonkitty88 on May 27th, 2010 04:52 am (UTC)
*beams at you*
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 12:44 pm (UTC)
*beams right back*
goldie3goldie3 on May 27th, 2010 05:49 am (UTC)
This was such a nice sweet read. I loved the slow build up and the fact that Jensen had some self-respect(though I should thank Danneel for that. You dealt really well with Jensen's insecurities and with a lot of subtlety. And what I loved best, not a happily ever ending but still hope. Great job <3

ps-Are you writing for the BB? Then I'd have another BB to look forward to.
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 12:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked Danneel and favored Jensen's self-respect instead of the easy falling back into Jared choice he turned down :-D

I am! I post June 15th.
lovely_lady_jlovely_lady_j on May 27th, 2010 02:36 pm (UTC)
mmm. delicious. i really enjoyed the not-so-fairy tale-ness. and Jensen not getting cast in Show was a great choice and perfect turning point for a complicated love story. thanks for sharing!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 02:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I kind of love the idea that he loses the part and how everything turns from there.
z3s_keep_going: spn :: scared (sam)z3s_keep_going on May 27th, 2010 03:55 pm (UTC)
this was really good. loved it.
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 03:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
[meg]: actors: jensen ackles loves flowersearthquakedream on May 27th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
A lot of what I love about this was already said. I love that Jensen was fucked up without having something super traumatic happen to get him there. Being unsuccessful at something you love doing is enough to turn you into a mess. Jared and Jensen's relationship in this feels real because it's not easy, and even after years of it not going totally right, there's that hopeful ending where we're not totally sure it's going to last, but we're hoping it does.

You wrote Jensen so well in this, I'm absolutely blown away. I read this in about an hour, non-stop, just staring at my screen in awe and sadness as Jensen just went down and down and down.

Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 04:54 pm (UTC)
&hearts

Thank you so much bb! I'm so glad you really felt for Jensen and saw so much in him and Jared together.

And yeah, so much of Jensen's angst and anger is over not getting a break with what he's good at, what he enjoys, so I'm happy that it meshed with you.
you've never looked more beautiful, darlingmistyzeo on May 27th, 2010 04:52 pm (UTC)
eeeeeeee! this is so sweet and frustrating and splendid. the two of them, dancing awkwardly around each other, not willing to say what they wanted-- gah. a slow, wonderful development.
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 04:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!! I love things that don't go perfect, the slow back and forth between them. I'm glad you enjoyed it here, too.
...fromyourashes on May 27th, 2010 05:01 pm (UTC)
Aww, I loved this.
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 27th, 2010 05:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
undecisive and so not trying: I've got a secret...one_2_3_4 on May 27th, 2010 11:53 pm (UTC)
I really liked this. A lot. And me + words do not equal anything coherant at the moment, because I'm still processing how much I REALLY liked this. At first, I wanted to throw something, scream at Jared for being such a dumbfuck, stupid boy. And I was really feeling for Jensen, poor guy couldn't catch a break, it just didn't seem right that Jared had to screw with him on the way. Loved Danneel, what a kick ass companion! She was also super smart, which I loved - it wasn't about going for the guy, she wanted Jensen to do for him before anyone else, and really it was what he needed so bad.

I loved the formula the most, though. It didn't happen in a split second, it didn't happen in two chapters, it took YEARS, and it wasn't he did this, then they kissed, then they lived happily ever after...they both fucked up, the fumbled, but they got there eventually. I almost didn't expect them to, but I was hopeful, and not disappointed. Thanks so much for sharing this!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 28th, 2010 03:39 am (UTC)
Oh man, thank you SO SO SO much with the thorough feedback, I don't even know what to say to all of this &hearts

Most of all for loving Danneel because that worried me; so glad you saw her for what she was, wanting Jensen to take care of himself, be a better person, blah blah blah.

But most of all for the pacing/formula. Real life takes time, and it had to be drawn out for Jensen to see himself then to see Jared and have him how they both deserved. Thank you so much!
grace_fullygrace_fully on May 28th, 2010 03:34 am (UTC)
this fucked my shit UP. more intelligent commentary tomorrow. JESUS.
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 28th, 2010 03:39 am (UTC)
GOOD FUCKED UP RIGHT?!

&hearts
(no subject) - grace_fully on June 1st, 2010 09:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dugindeep on June 1st, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
layne: j2 romelayne67 on May 28th, 2010 04:39 am (UTC)
*sighs*

Thank you so much for the happy ending!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 28th, 2010 08:05 pm (UTC)
&hearts thank you so much for reading!!
gorgeous and affecting: rpf: jensen soapboxjoans23 on May 28th, 2010 08:12 pm (UTC)
WOW! Just WOW! I really enjoyed that! I kinda have a thing for fics where it isn't all moonlight and roses, where it hurts and they have to work for it. Makes it so much better when it works out in the end!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 29th, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I, too, like the long roads. :-D
Annieaythia on May 28th, 2010 09:48 pm (UTC)
Omg, just read it all through and I loved it. Seriously... fucking...loved...it!

It was painful to read, and I mean that in a good way, I felt so bad for Jensen at times but they got there in the end. No big fanfare...just two people finally getting where they are supposed to be. It was quite perfect. Thank you!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 29th, 2010 06:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad the pain was good :-D
Starlit Shore: BOY LOVEstarlitshore on May 29th, 2010 01:23 am (UTC)
I really really enjoyed this. It's one of those rougher reads that I appreciate because I love angst and this part of fandom is inundated in shmoop. Jensen's bitterness and that hopeless love that he kept clinging to through years and distance was so relatable, and I liked that you made Jared's treatment of the situation questionable at points but still made him a lovable character that I wanted Jensen to be with in the end. I also liked Danneel's worried-friend characterisation, and that you made Steve and Chris partiers but not jerks like I've seen elsewhere. Your characters were very human, which I think is great. Finally, "Jesus, Jared. You had me at day one." may have made my breath hitch a little in sympathy for the poor boy.

Thanks for a good read!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 29th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
Jared's treatment of the situation questionable at points

Thank you! There's bit in my head that he doesn't purposely lead Jensen on, it's just the situation and he would think it was just fine as is, meeting up whenever without realizing how hung upon him Jensen is. So thank you!! And for the Steve and Chris thing. I get tired of seeing them as such assholes. And while guys can give each other shit, you'd think they'd still be friends.

Thank you so much for your feedback! It's wonderful and smile-inducing
(no subject) - starlitshore on May 31st, 2010 05:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
I want to live in Harry Styles' hair: Jared and Jensen : I want to kiss youmicmezle on May 29th, 2010 03:16 am (UTC)
simply beautiful
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on May 29th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
JJ: dean nice workjolietjones on May 29th, 2010 09:17 pm (UTC)
Dude. This is an awesome fic. Really awesome.
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on June 2nd, 2010 06:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
and i will lead them on a merry chase: {jensen} fucking your shit upbuild_the_moon on May 31st, 2010 07:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, I totally loved this.

<3
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on June 2nd, 2010 06:11 pm (UTC)
<333
jimmy and jammy's glorified nanny: GK ; Bradroundaboutit on June 2nd, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
Ugh i've had this open in my tabs for forever/. Holy crap, woman. I've got this lump in my throat and I don't want to cry. Maybe it's just the atmosphere (rain pouring outside and i'm snuggling under my blankets) but it hit me WAY harder than it was supposed to. Oh but I love it so damn much, and it wasn't rushed at all.

FFFF IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY <33333
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on June 2nd, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
<333 thank you so much! This comment is more than enough to make me smile.
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